Walk Away

It started out as an ordinary Wednesday. It was the third day in his four day week. He was anxious, as he had been of late. He kissed me goodbye and went on his way.

He called me early this night. He usually called to say goodnight. The call came at 6:00. He was breathless and weary and had a question to ask.

He said that he was being called downtown to another “riot” in the beloved city of lakes.

He paused and waited for my answer. I took a deep breath. It is time I said.

It felt weird to say it out loud.

I am not sure if I was expecting bells and whistles or what in the hell I was waiting for.

Are you sure? His voice carried.

Yep. You have given enough. Pack it up and come home I said.

I felt a weight and a worry all at the same time.

A couple of days before, the final plans had been put in place for our contingency plan. See my husband. My dear, sweet, dedicated husband has worked this job for 25 years. Too old to do something else majorly life changing, but also too young to collect the money he has earned for retirement.

This decision did not come lightly. It was calculated and procrastinated. It was painful and forced.

I am really at the point in my life that I am fed up with all of this bullshit. I am done with the blaming, the race baiting and the rhetoric.

I am sick of the shaming, the blaming and the politicizing of a convenient narrative.

I am weary of what all of this has taken from our family and mostly of a community that is so very wonderful.

I trust in God and know that He has a plan and a path for both Matt and our family, and ultimately, I trust His infinite wisdom.

When he walked through that door, holding a cardboard box, full of 25 years of memories, I could not help but feel sad.

I know that this is the right move for our family. The risk of staying is just not worth it anymore.

We will move on and be better for it.

I know in my heart that this city will burn and maybe ultimately that is what those who control it want.

I look forward to the future where I do not have to share the best of my sweet husband with those who could care less about him. Those who spit on him and wish him great harm.

I am grateful for good friends. Those who can see past their own noses and grant grace when it is needed. Those who appreciate the perspective I have given and not cast judgment.

I am thankful for a great family who reach out to help and offer guidance and Godly advice.

I am ultimately thankful for the faith foundation that my parents, family, friends and childhood granted me. I am certain that I would not have made it through these past three months otherwise.

I will continue to write, though it may not be law enforcement related. Maybe it will. I do not yet know.

What I do know, is that we look forward to new opportunities for our family. We know that He has a plan for us.

We trust our gut.

We trust Him.

We know that in the end, on this sunny, warm Wednesday, that it was a good day to walk away.

6 thoughts on “Walk Away

  1. Our Lord will watch over your exceptional family & will continue to guide you…Congratulations & blessings on your decision…difficult, but necessary ! We will be supporting you in prayer !

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  2. Thank you to your husband for serving the community through law enforcement and for you being the spouse to love, serve, and stand by your husband in the best and worst of times. My son was sworn in with a different agency 9 months ago. I have learned much from reading your blog. I pray everyday for the safety of our LEO’s and I pray that God will bless my son with a wife who will be a support and a rock to him throughout his career. And now I will add your family to my prayer list as you begin a new journey.

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